It starts with the same symptoms every time. No surprises there. I usually feel a prickly feeling in the throat. I try to put it down to the recent animated conversation with my boss regarding the number of digits in my salary or a hearty laugh at the recently circulating funny mail on the Internet. World is a cruel place though and a human being is about the meanest creature ever to walk planet earth! My colleagues won't hear any of it. I try to clear my throat and out pops the question from the next-cube neighbor "Got cold, Swapna ?" For heaven's sake … what am I supposed to say to it? "Trying to get out the skunk that I swallowed yesterday night"??? I know what he will say to it "Don't eat so much in the Chinese restaurants"!! He is a confirmed veggie and his notions about the non-vegetarian food are enough to convert any non-vegetarian person to pure vegetarianism.

People is one thing you should avoid when you have cold. At least I think so. Not because you will make them catch it. In fact, the more people catch cold from you the better you should feel. After all, why should you be the only one to suffer? The reason to avoid people is just so that you don't kill them. I know myself enough to understand that I have limited patience when it comes to stupidity…of other people. Under the normal circumstances, I can take fair amount of silly questions from people around me. But when I have cold… May the force be with those who cross my cubicle!! I almost killed my colleague the other day for asking me who I think would win the presidential election. I personally don't have anything against Gore or Bush. Why should I? They don't call me to offer me a new credit card or code something without testing it thoroughly. But then right now I just don't care about their gun control policy. I am in a mood to vote for anyone who would make it legal to shoot people for asking silly questions to others having cold.

The next phase comes when you start sneezing and coughing. That seals your grave. You might as well shout from the rooftops "Ladies and Gentlemen…I have cold"!! The world divides itself into two categories thereafter.

First kind will offer you sympathy. It is easier to dodge this kind. They usually meet you by the coffee machine when you are trying to get something hot to soothe your sore throat or by the car in the parking lot in the evenings when all you want is to go home and lie down. Their face is at once all concern. They look at you as if your days were numbered. "How did you catch it?" is about the only stupid question that this class can ask. "It's in the air" is another favorite remark.

Then follows a harrowing tale of similar past experiences. Now don't think that I am irritated by this persistent coughing and sneezing but I completely fail to understand what is so big about this personal experience when it comes to Common Cold? Everyone who has got it clears the throat, sneezes, coughs and generally looks as if he/she will kill you at the drop of a hat!! The only variation could be the number of times he/she coughs in one go and if that coughing has any rhythm or not. I absolutely refuse to believe that the personal element can go beyond that.

The buck stops here if you are lucky. Lady Luck has almost never favored me since I was born so I get stuck with the descriptions of the home remedies that can help you in this pathetic and sorry state. I don't know if you get heavier when you catch cold but I certainly think so as I stand there shuffling my poor feet waiting for this yarn to wind up. Recently though I have learnt a surefire way of getting out of this trap. Just pretend that you are going to sneeze big time and start searching for a hanky making it clear at the same time that you don't have it on your person. If this does not deter your enemy camp - believe me…nothing will!!!

I dread people from the second category than Satan himself. They don't stop at giving you advise, they are hell-bent on putting it into implementation right at the spot. They somehow seem to have a handy supply of mean looking medicines and syrups. With one conjuring trick of a hand there they are - complete with a bottle and a glass. Don't give them that helpless look as they pour a generous amount from the bottle to the glass!! That look never helps but on the other hand strengthens their belief in their action. "Look at you, you poor thing. This will cure you … believe me!!" I have had a dozen of such home medicines, Chinese medicines and Herbs (with a silent "H"!!!) poured into me in the last 48 hours accompanied by soothing words in Chinese, Indian and American accents. If I were to die now, the doctor doing an autopsy will drop dead at the amount of medicine found in my body and would doubtlessly enter "Medicines" under the "Cause of Death" section!!!

Murphy's Law is applicable with all its sub-clauses when you have cold. I have spilled more liquids since morning than all the world's oil vessels put together. It started with spilling juice early morning and ended with an overturned coffee cup at 6 pm. All the papers in the cubicle are mixed hopelessly. Important numbers are lost and where in the world are my car keys??? The janitor gives me a weird look on seeing a heap of coffee cups in the dustbin. Cant blame him though, I am myself not able to believe that I can drink so much of coffee. If I need a blood transfusion now, they better not waste any time running to the blood bank - 3 or 4 glasses from the nearest coffee machine would do the trick. They just will have to check if it is of the correct type though - Mocha or Java!!

I am now in the last stage...I have lost my voice completely. When I was a kid, this used to be a nightmare and still is…. because I am a hopelessly talkative person. You cannot imagine the agony I feel when I have no less than 10 things to talk about and a voice that at best can be a whisper. Wish I had learnt some proper sign language. Love - they say can be conveyed without words but how do you convey with the help of only your hands to a colleague that you don't have a clue as to what is wrong with the code and that further testing is necessary?

First I tried shaking my head from side to side to indicate that I don't understand the problem. I guess only Indians use this gesture to convey that particular meaning because the only reaction that it could draw from my colleague was a blank stare. Then I tried a more methodical approach. I pointed to the screen, looked at him. He seemed to understand that I meant code. Next I pointed to myself, he understood that that meant me. So far so good!! Then I threw my hands in helpless gesture at the sky. Lost him again there!! Finally I wrote on the palm of my hand (Where is my notepad???) "No clue. Gotta test". American slang is best to convey maximum in minimum words. Pat came the reply "Okie Dokie"!!!

I am still alive... coughing, sneezing, looking at the world through the watery eyes - sustained by DayQuil in the mornings and by NyQuil at night. Nearly everyone finds something to complain about their daily life but it takes few events to bring home the point that normal life is a piece of cake - Catching cold is surely one of such events.